“The Shower Head”
First Script Read: Sunday, January 14, 1996
Filmed: Tuesday-Wednesday, January 16-17, 1996
Aired: February 15, 1996
Nielsen rating: 21.9
Audience share: 33
Directed: Andy Ackerman
Writers: Peter Mehlman and Marjorie Gross
What a difference a week can make! Last episode Jerry was buying his father a Cadillac. This episode his family is merely an obstacle to be pushed out of the way or a pawn to be manipulated to further his own interests. Jerry's parents came to town to see their son on The Tonight Show but, seeking some "seclusion" after Morty's impeachment from his condo association in "The Cadillac," they've extended their visit. They're staying at Uncle Leo's apartment because Leo moved in with his girlfriend. Their proximity is starting to bother Jerry. Without the buffer created by the long distance charges they accumulate from Florida, his parents call him for even the smallest questions or comments, like where they can get ice. Furthermore, Jerry is annoyed at the constant dinners he has to have with them as well as their unexpected pop-ins.
Eventually, Jerry decides he has to get Leo to break up with his girlfriend so that his parents have no place to stay and will be forced to head back home. Hilariously, deviously, Jerry does this by convincing his Uncle that he shouldn't be limiting himself to one woman:
UNCLE LEO: It's about time you called your uncle. We've got to do this once a week.
JERRY: [to himself] Once a week? [to Leo] So how's Lydia?
UNCLE LEO: Ah, she's a real tiger.
JERRY: I don't know how you do it.
UNCLE LEO: What?
JERRY: A man like you, limiting yourself to one woman. I don't know. But it's none of my .
UNCLE LEO: What are you talking about?
UNCLE LEO: Look at this, I told them medium rare. It's medium.
JERRY: Hey, it happens.
UNCLE LEO: I bet that cook is an anti-Semite.
JERRY: He has no idea who you are.
UNCLE LEO: They don't just overcook a hamburger, Jerry.
JERRY: All right. Anyway, the point I was making before Goerbbles made your hamburger is a man like you could be dating women 20 years younger. Come on Uncle Leo! I've seen the way women look at you. When's the last time you looked in a mirror? You're an Adonis! You've got beautiful features, lovely skin. You're in the prime of your life here. You should be swinging! If I were you I'd tell this Lydia character, “It's been real,” move back into that bachelor pad and put out a sign, “open for business.”
UNCLE LEO: Believe me, I thought about it. But she is so perfect in every way. I can't see a flaw.
JERRY: Well, keep looking.
Leo is not convinced, but when he and Lydia watch Jerry make fun of Leo's paranoia about everyone being an antisemite, Lydia bursts out laughing. Leo thinks SHE is an antisemite and breaks up with her, forcing Jerry's parents to move out. Unfortunately for the Seinfeld family (but to George's delight), George's parents have decided to move into their same neighborhood in Florida. Jerry's parents hate the Costanzas. "We can't stand them," says Morty. So they move into Jerry's, and his buffer shrinks from 1200 miles to two feet. George, who spent a couple years of his adult life living with his parents, is unsympathetic. But Jerry decides to try to get Leo back with Lydia; at least that way his parents won't be living in his apartment:
UNCLE LEO: Move back with Lydia?
JERRY: Come on! You're lucky to have anybody.
UNCLE LEO: Last week you told me I was in my prime, I should be swinging.
JERRY: Swinging? What are you, out of your mind? Look at you. You're disgusting. You're bald. You're paunchy. All kinds of sounds are emanating from your body 24 hours a day. If there's a woman that can take your presence for more than ten consecutive seconds, you should hang on to her like grim death, which is not far off, by the way.
UNCLE LEO: But she's an anti-Semite!
JERRY: Can you blame her?
Apparently it works, because Helen and Morty move back into Leo's apartment. However, their return is short lived. Just like the landlord at Jerry's apartment whose installation of low-flow shower heads sends Kramer, Newman, and Jerry on a search for illegal, black market, high-powered shower heads, Leo's super apparently wants to conserve water in his building. The new shower heads, coupled with the Costanza's decision that they would miss George too much in Florida, finally convince the Seinfelds to leave town. To Jerry's pleasure and George's chagrin, the status quo is restored.