Saturday, February 9, 2013

SEINFELD: The Rankings

Below I've rated every Seinfeld episode, completely subjectively, in order of how much I would want to watch the individual episode. Primarily I've rated them based on my own feeling about their rewatchability and how much they make me laugh, although I'm sure other factors played out in my mind as I sorted them out. (See my previous post discussing the best seasons and writers.) Season, episode number, and writers (inclusive of story and teleplay credits) are also listed

1. The Marine Biologist - 5:14 - Ron Hauge and Charlie Rubin
2. The Opposite - 5:21 - Andy Cowan, Larry David, and Jerry Seinfeld
3. The Bizarro Jerry - 8:3 - David Mandel
4. The Invitations - 7:22 - Larry David
5. The Puerto Rican Day - 9:20 - (collectively written by season nine writers)
6. The Secret Code - 7:7 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
7. The Non-Fat Yogurt - 5:7 - Larry David
8. The Merv Griffin Show - 9:6 - Bruce Eric Kaplan
9. The Barber - 5:8 - Andy Robin
10. The Junior Mint - 4:20 - Andy Robin
11. The Gum - 7:10 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
12. The Glasses - 5:3 -
Tom Gammill and Max Pross
13. The Puffy Shirt - 5:2 - Larry David
14. The Postponement - 7:2
- Larry David
15. The Engagement - 7:1
- Larry David
16. The Rye - 7:11 - Carol Leifer
17. The Foundation - 8:1 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
18. The Summer of George - 8:22
- Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
19. The Pitch/The Ticket - 4:3-4
- Larry David
20. The Maestro - 7:3
- Larry David
21. The Chinese Restaurant - 2:11
- Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
22. The Doll - 7:16 -
Tom Gammill and Max Pross
23. The Betrayal - 9:8 - David Mandel and Peter Mehlman
24. The Frogger - 9:18 - Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, Steve Koren, and Dan O'Keefe
25. The Raincoats - 5:18 - Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Larry David, and Jerry Seinfeld
26. The Pen - 3:3 - Larry David
27. The Soup Nazi - 7:6 - Spike Feresten
28. The Dealership - 9:11 - Steve Koren
29. The Soup - 6:7 - Fred Stoller
30. The Pledge Drive - 6:3 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
31. The Lip Reader - 5:6 - Carol Leifer
32. The Wig Master - 7:18 - Spike Feresten
33. The Little Kicks - 8:4
- Spike Feresten
34. The Voice - 9:2 - Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, and David Mandel
35. The Comeback - 8:13 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
36. The Strike - 9:10 - Dan O'Keefe, Alec Berg, and Jeff Schaffer
37. The Slicer - 9:7 - Gregg Kavet, Andy Robin, and Darin Henry
38. The Switch - 6:11 - Bruce Kirschbaum and Sam Henry Kass
39. The Wink - 7:4 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
40. The Pick - 4:13 - Larry David and Marc Jaffe
41. The Pothole - 8:16 - Steve O'Donnell and Dan O'Keefe
42. The Face Painter - 6:22 - Larry David and Fred Stoller
43. The Cartoon - 9:13 - Bruce Eric Kaplan
44. The Soul Mate - 8:2 - Peter Mehlman
45. The Parking Space - 3:22 - Larry David and Greg Daniels
46. The Susie - 8:15 - David Mandel
47. The Alternate Side - 3:11 - Larry David and Bill Masters
48. The Watch - 4:6 - Larry David
49. The Wallet - 4:5 - Larry David
50. The Bottle Deposit - 7:20 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
51. The Kiss Hello - 6:16 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
52. The Mom and Pop Store - 6:8 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
53. The Reverse Peephole - 9:12 - Spike Feresten
54. The English Patient - 8:17 - Steve Koren
55. The Mango - 5:1 - Larry David
56. The Hot Tub - 7:5 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
57. The Checks - 8:7 - Tom Gammill, Max Pross, and Steve O'Donnell
58. The Cafe - 3:7 - Tom Leopold
59. The Calzone - 7:19 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
60. The Burning - 9:16 - Jennifer Crittenden
61. The Butter Shave - 9:1 - Alec Berg, Jeff Schaffer, and David Mandel
62. The Contest - 4:11 - Larry David
63. The Dinner Party - 5:13 - Larry David
64. The Stakeout - 1:2 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
65. The Van Buren Boys - 8:14 - Darin Henry
66. The Race - 6:10 - Tom Gammill, Max Pross, Larry David, and Sam Henry Kass
67. The Abstinence - 8:9 - Steve Koren
68. The Parking Garage - 3:6 - Larry David
69. The Boyfriend, Parts 1-2 - 3:17-18 - Larry David and Larry Levin
70. The Fusilli Jerry - 6:20 - Marjorie Gross, Ron Hauge, and Charlie Rubin
71. The Muffin Tops - 8:21 - Spike Feresten
72. The Nap - 8:18 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
73. The Little Jerry - 8:11 - Jennifer Crittenden
74. The Andrea Doria - 8:10 - Spike Feresten
75. The Fatigues - 8:6 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
76. The Hamptons - 5:20 - Peter Mehlman and Carol Leifer
77. The Chinese Woman - 6:4 - Peter Mehlman
78. The Chicken Roaster - 8:8 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
79. The Finale - 9:22 - Larry David
80. The Blood - 9:4 - Dan O'Keefe
81. The Pie - 5:15 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
82. The Cigar Store Indian - 5:10 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
83. The Movie - 4:14 - Steve Skrovan, Bill Masters, and Jon Hayman
84. The Doodle - 6:19 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
85. The Seven - 7:13 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
86. The Wizard - 9:15 - Steve Lookner
87. The Package - 8:5 - Jennifer Crittenden
88. The Chaperone - 6:1 - Larry David, Bill Masters, and Bob Shaw
89. The Wait Out - 7:21 - Peter Mehlman and Matt Selman
90. The Yada Yada - 8:19 - Peter Mehlman and Jill Franklyn
91. The Serenity Now - 9:3 - Steve Koren
92. The Keys - 3:23 - Larry Charles
93. The Maid - 9:19 - David Mandel, Jeff Schaffer, Alec Berg, Kit Boss, and Peter Mehlman
94. The Library - 3:5 - Larry Charles
95. The Pez Dispenser - 3:14 - Larry David
96. The Implant - 4:19 - Peter Mehlman
97. The Couch - 6:5 - Larry David
98. The Sponge - 7:9 - Peter Mehlman
99. The Shower Head - 7:15 - Peter Mehlman and Marjorie Gross
100. The Bookstore - 9:17 - Spike Feresten, Darin Henry, and Marc Jaffe
101. The Millennium - 8:20 - Jennifer Crittenden
102. The Gymnast - 6:6 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
103. The Visa - 4:15 - Peter Mehlman
104. The Opera - 4:9 - Larry Charles
105. The Pilot - 4:23 - Larry David
106. The Jimmy - 6:18 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
107. The Cadillac - 7:14 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
108. The Money - 8:12 - Peter Mehlman
109. The Secretary - 6:9 - Carol Leifer and Marjorie Gross
110. The Junk Mail - 9:5 - Spike Feresten
111. The Masseuse - 5:9 - Peter Mehlman
112. The Pony Remark - 2:2 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
113. The Caddy - 7:12 - Gregg Kavet and Andy Robin
114. The Virgin - 4:10 - Peter Mehlman, Peter Farrelly, and Bobby Farrelly
115. The Outing - 4:17 - Larry Charles
116. The Apology - 9:9 - Jennifer Crittenden
117. The Doorman - 6:17 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
118. The Label Maker - 6:12 - Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer
119. The Conversion - 5:11 - Bruce Kirschbaum
120. The Big Salad - 6:2 - Larry David
121. The Friar's Club - 7:17 - David Mandel
122. The Pool Guy - 7:8 - David Mandel
123. The Sniffing Accountant - 5:4 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
124. The Shoes - 4:16 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
125. The Jacket - 2:3 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
126. The Smelly Car - 4:21 - Larry David and Peter Mehlman
127. The Wife - 5:17 - Peter Mehlman
128. The Trip, Parts 1-2 - 4:1-2 - Larry Charles
129. The Beard - 6:15 - Carol Leifer
130. The Bubble Boy - 4:7 - Larry David and Larry Charles
131. The Fire - 5:19 - Larry Charles
132. The Old Man - 4:18 - Bruce Kirschbaum and Larry Charles
133. The Subway - 3:13 - Larry Charles
134. The Stall - 5:12 - Larry Charles
135. The Heart Attack - 2:8 - Larry Charles
136. The Strongbox - 9:14 - Dan O'Keefe and Billy Kimball
137. The Scofflaw - 6:13 - Peter Mehlman
138. The Understudy - 6:23 - Carol Leifer and Marjorie Gross
139. The Nose Job - 2:9 - Peter Mehlman
140. The Bris - 5:5 - Larry Charles
141. The Cheever Letters - 4:8 - Larry David, Elaine Pope, and Tom Leopold
142. The Diplomats Club - 6:21 - Tom Gammill and Max Pross
143. The Stand-In - 5:17 - Larry David
144. The Airport - 4:12 - Larry Charles
145. The Tape - 3:8 - Larry David, Bob Shaw, and Don McEnery
146. The Deal - 2:9 - Larry David
147. The Good Samaritan - 3:20 - Peter Mehlman
148. The Note - 3:1 - Larry David
149. The Red Dot - 3:12 - Larry David
150. The Handicap Space - 4:22 - Larry David
151. The Suicide - 3:15 - Tom Leopold
152. The Letter - 3:21 - Larry David
153. The Limo - 3:19 - Larry Charles and Marc Jaffe
154. The Statue - 2:6 - Larry Charles
155. The Baby Shower - 2:10 - Larry Charles
156. The Truth - 3:2 - Elaine Pope
157. The Busboy - 2:12 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
158. The Fix Up - 3:16 - Elaine Pope and Larry Charles
159. The Stranded - 3:10 - Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, and Matt Goldman
160. The Stock Tip - 1:5 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
161. The Phone Message - 2:4 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
162. The Robbery - 1:3 - Matt Goldman
163. The Revenge - 2:7 - Larry David
164. Good News, Bad News - 1:1 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
165. The Apartment - 2:5 - Peter Mehlman
166. The Dog - 3:4 - Larry David
167. Male Unbonding - 1:4 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld
168. The Ex-Girlfriend - 2:1 - Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld

(Not listed: Highlights of a Hundred - 6:14, The Chronicle - 9:21)

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